Did I Create My Illness?

I am often asked, ‘can you create your own illness?’

This question has been asked by many over the years and, even more so of recent years, as we begin to understand that we create our own reality and that energy is the source of everything.

There are many different factors that can contribute to becoming ill – from what you eat to where you live.

You can become ill when you have become out of balance and are not following your higher purpose!

When you have stepped off the path that makes your heart sing with happiness you may find that you can end up in bed with the flu for a few days giving you enough time to re-evaluate what is happening in your life, or it may be that you find yourself struggling with a debilitating illness which can last several years which forces you to look at your priorities and completely change the way you are living your life.

Being stressed is a major sign that you are not in balance and is fast becoming the number one reason for people becoming ill.

I do not believe that we deliberately choose to become ill, be in an accident, tragedy or allow misfortune into our lives!

Yet, unconsciously, an illness can remain or re-appear at certain times within our lives!

As a healer I have worked on myself and others for many years and we all have our earthly stories and experiences, each unique to us, yet once a person is on the healing couch those stories disappear and I am working with the pure energy of each individual.

When our energy field becomes clogged, out of shape, dirty or unbalanced then that energy eventually ends up within the physical body either as a pain, illness or within the mind causing mental and emotional issues.

For example, I have worked with many people over the years that rely on their disability allowance as their main income and they make huge improvements within their lives with not only their physical health, but, also, on a mental and emotional level.

Then it is time for their yearly assessment. They become fearful of losing that money and support as they may not be quite ready for full-time employment etc. Within a few weeks, all the improvement that has been achieved disappears, and they are back to square one, as they now have to prove that they are still ill in order to still receive their benefit.

Another example could be that if a mother has children and they wanted to move away to another part of the country or even abroad and she did not want them to leave, then by becoming ill, it could mean the children might choose to live nearer to be able to help look after her – this may not be a conscious decision on her part, but, on an unconscious level the body does its best to help!

I also feel that through experiencing an illness it can help you become more empathic, have more compassion and a better understanding of others and what they are experiencing.

I have shared below an excerpt from my eBook “Acknowledging you are Psychic” one of my own personal experiences that happened many years ago which had a huge impact on my life and I can still remember it as if it was just a few short weeks ago.

You can download my eBook for FREE by clicking here.

As a young woman I never suffered from any menstrual pains and would often wonder what all the fuss was about when I heard other women complaining about their period pains. I was in my early forties, when slowly, over a period of months, I started to get severe period pains. This was totally new for me and I could not understand why it was happening.

Eventually, I went to the doctors and was sent to be checked at the hospital. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, which is where the lining of the womb breaks away and attaches itself to another part of the body – in my case it was my left ovary and the surrounding area. This is an illness that does not get better and gets progressively worse over time as with each menstrual cycle the part that has broken away, bleeds internally and then heals into a scar. Over time this scar, because of the continuous bleeding gets bigger, which then creates more pain.

There are ways that can help a woman, for example, when she is pregnant there is not any bleeding or the woman could be put on the pill – so again no bleeding takes place. I was told by the doctors that there was no known cure for this disease and that if I was a cow I would be put down!!

I spent the next year, working with myself trying to cure this disease. I had many different types of healing done – including self-healing. I did past life regression and was informed that in a past life I had been captured by the Nazis and had been used in their experiments to create the perfect baby then left to die afterwards.

I worked with childhood and relationship issues. One of main issues that repeatedly came up for me was a dislike of arguments and avoiding confrontations. The list was endless and still the pain was increasing. I was now taking time off work once a month. I would not do healing with another if I was out of sorts myself and was having to cancel appointments for readings etc.

I was certainly intrigued with the whole issue and was making myself my number one client. I even wondered if it was psychosomatic – I would arrive for my hospital appointment feeling ok and when I walked through the doors I would start to experience pain in my left side, even though I was not even on my period at the time. If I stepped back out through the doors the pain went away.

It was a really confusing time for me and although I was studying and learning about other therapies and more about the body and the auric field than I ever had before, still the Endometriosis continued to get worse. I sat with my doctor looking at the latest internal pictures they had taken and you could clearly see where they are attached on and around my ovary. It was decided because of my age that it would be best for me to have a full hysterectomy and that I could have it within a few months as there was no way that I was going to get better.

I accepted this news and agreed to go ahead with the operation. As I left the hospital that day I could feel myself getting really angry inside and by the time I got to my car in the car park, not only was I angry and frustrated I was feeling really disappointed with myself and all of my Spirit guides!

I had taken part in some wonderful healing sessions with others over the past years, witnessed real miracles and helped hundreds of people – now I was unable to help myself and it seemed my guides didn’t care! I remember tears rolling down my face and shouting out loud to them and I did not care if anyone passing by were to hear me.

My date came through very quickly, within a month, I had spent time sulking and had withdrawn away from my guides. I suppose in truth, I had handed in my notice and quit! About two weeks before my operation date, I was lying in bed on my back, having just woken up from yet another rather sleepless night, and was wondering if I had time to have a bath before venturing out on my day. I was aware of the birds singing outside and could see rays of sunlight creeping into the room at the curtain edges.

Suddenly, really clearly I heard a male voice to the right beside me say “Trust me”. I turned to have a look – I could not see anyone! I closed my eyes to tune into the Spirit present in the room and could feel a strong male energy. “Hold my hands” he said. I held his hands under my duvet and became aware that my legs had opened in what I describe as a dead frog position and it was as if the whole presence of him was coming close to me. I felt a cold energy of what felt like a metal instrument being inserted into my vagina.

My analytical mind was racing, I was even slightly panicked, and I was meant to be trusting?!! I lay still, focusing on keeping my breathing calm and consciously making myself trust, part of me wanted to jump out of bed.

The only way I can describe what happened next is like this: ‘A really hot energy, a feeling like liquid gold fluid (if there is such a feeling!) filled my lower stomach and hips. It was the most exquisite sensation; I had never experienced anything like it before in my life. It was beautiful and my analytical mind wondered if it would turn into an orgasm (it didn’t) and I waited. Time passed, I do not know if it was seconds or minutes! This hot heat faded into a warm feeling inside my womb and pelvic area and I became aware I could no longer feel the presence of the man in Spirit.

I lay quietly for a while, trying to process what had just happened. Slowly I pulled my hands out from under the covers and looked at them, they were still in a position of holding someone else’s hands and as I lifted the duvet, I could see that my legs were still in the “dead frog” position.’

I do not know who the Spirit was that came to me, but I do know it was not my healing guides who worked with me regularly. I felt good and I knew that healing had taken place. I felt thankful and filled with gratitude. I was convinced that I would no longer need to have the operation and as I went through the day, I told my friends what had happened.

Their opinions were varied, some said it was Spirit helping to prepare me for the operation, others said to be safe go ahead and have the operation. I realised, too late, that I shared this experience with too many people too soon. Before leaving to go home that day, the hospital rang and told me that they would have to change my operation date to another later in the year. Phew! The relief was welcomed, now in my head I thought I could wait and see how I was over the coming months before having to make a decision, I thought it had been taken out of my hands.

This was short lived, a few days later the hospital rang again to tell me that they had had a cancellation and could I come in that very evening. Every cell in my body screamed “No” yet out of my mouth came this weak little voice agreeing and that I would be there. I spent the rest of my day organising staff and arranging to meet my sons at the hospital.

I strutted around throughout the day, talking out loud to myself. “What if I could see that the doctor had been drinking the night before? What if this or what if that? I must have been quite difficult to have been around that day – “Why was I even going?”

I arrived at the hospital with my sons and was surprised that the anaesthetist was a young woman with long black hair with a fringe and wearing lots of makeup, in a very Egyptian style, she was lovely and very self-confident and assured me she would be with me throughout my operation. Next my doctor came along he was a clean shaven, well-built young man and I could see his aura clearly, a lovely primrose yellow filled with white light stars (he definitely had not had a drink!)

I kissed my boys goodbye for the evening, knowing they would be back early in the morning and settled down for the night. I still did not know why I had agreed to come here today, but contented myself that all seemed okay with the people around me. That night, I said my prayers, I asked for forgiveness from anybody I had intentionally or unintentionally hurt and forgave all those that had hurt me. I surrendered into the night asking that I did not see anything during my operation or straight after.

The following morning I was ready for my operation with my boys at my side, and a pocket full of healing crystals. One in particular had grabbed my attention before leaving home, a nice very large tumbled piece of dark orange Carnelian with a hole in the centre of it reminding me of a vagina.

Upon waking after the operation, I was back resting in the ward; the doctor was due round soon to let me know how everything had gone. When he arrived he said to me “It had been a difficult, yet successful operation – but there was no Endometriosis to be found!!!

He was very surprised and was not able to explain why none could be found. I was really shocked, my head was spinning, I had had the operation and they had taken my womb, ovaries and cervix – yet no Endometriosis to be found. Can you image how I felt? I had not trusted my guides and had not been true to my feelings!

I lay in bed with my Carnelian crystal on my scar and argued with myself for the rest of the day. I came to the conclusion that there was nothing I could do about my decision and that on a plus side I would not have to worry about getting any other diseases, including ones like Cervical Cancer. I got a nurse to write in my medical records about my Spiritual experience and maybe, one day in the future, it will come to somebody’s attention.

I was able to leave the hospital two days earlier than the average recovery time as my cut had healed rapidly and cleanly leaving a fine and very tidy scar. When I looked at my crystal all around the hole which would have represented the vagina, was white, completely drained of its original colour. The healing energies of the stone had helped me have a quick recovery.

As time passed after my operation, I went into sudden menopause and had to deal with all the problems that came with it. I noticed that I was getting more healing appointments booked by women who had similar problems, an area that I had not worked with very much before, and all my recent experiences helped me to help them.

One thing which stood out the most for me was that I was walking along the street one day and on the opposite side of the road from me was a young couple having an argument! They were shouting, the man had a beer can in his hand and the woman was trying to hit him around his head with a handbag!  In some ways it looked quite comical – when out of the blue I had a stabbing in my ovary area that was identical to the pain I suffered with my Endometriosis, it was so strong that my knees went weak and I had to hold onto a shop window for support.

I regained my composure and as the couple passed on by, the pain softened and left! I realised in that moment that even though I no longer had the physical body parts any more, the information of its cause was still being held on record within my blueprint, my auric field. This was so enlightening, and I still get a small stabbing in my side, not as strong as that day, when I am around people in argumentative situations.  This has now become a way of me recognising what is happening with others and, at times, with me.

It has been over 15 years since this happened and there have been the odd occasions even though I am fully aware that one cannot change the past that I have wondered “What if I had not gone ahead and had the operation?”

What I do know now is that I have grown and learnt so much since about myself, the energy field and how the physical body has its own language to be able to communicate with us and with continued learning and experiences I am able to help others in ways that, before this experience, I would not have been able to.

Illness as a Metaphor

Even at times when you don’t consider yourself ill, you may still have an odd symptom maybe an allergy, a tendency toward headaches, a pain or weakness in a particular body part of your body. Whether you are dealing with the experience of serious illness or simply the occasional minor symptom, listening to these physical manifestations of dis-ease can uncover levels of meaning and purpose to them that you may never have realized were there.

Your physical symptoms communicate to you in a language filled with obvious metaphors. If you are willing to pay attention, they will tell you a great deal about your needs, your imbalances, and your path of healing.

To start understanding the language of your own physical symptoms, consider the metaphorical meanings of the affected body parts and functions. For example, hands are for handling things. If you have pain in your hands ask yourself “Are you are holding on too tightly in some way? Are you trying to “handle” everything yourself? Do you have difficulty “reaching out” for love and support? Are you having difficulty “grasping” something?”

As your spiritual growth unfolds and you begin to pay attention to signals, you will become increasingly aware of how you create our own reality and how your thoughts, ideas, emotions and beliefs influence the reality you experience around you.

Pay attention, without judgment, to all areas of your life when you are in a state of imbalance. Your body is merely a temporary instrument to be used for the fulfilment of the purposes of your Higher Self. Being aware of this is the first step towards paying attention to the messages your body is sending you.

What would you do if a chronic health condition became life-threatening?

Maybe you would come up with a long list of things like leaving a relationship that is not working or a job you do not like, take more time for projects and hobbies that are on the back burner, spend more time with your family and friends. Eat more nutritious foods and exercise in fun ways!

Do not wait until you are feeling stressed and unwell to make these changes in your life – act now and live a happier, healthier, balanced and fun-filled life!